"I don't want to talk about it"

[floydragsdale]

Hello:

I have given WWII talks to various groups (H.S., Jr. H.S. & adults) for the past six or seven years. These talks are about twenty minutes long and are my personal memories; mostly from the battlefield. Afterwards there is always a session for questions and answers.

Invariably someone will bring up the fact that they know somebody who will not “talk about it”; meaning that persons “ WWII war thoughts & recollections”.

As an Infantry Rifleman who saw and took part in Battle of The Bulge action I have known that feeling for too many years. Fortunately, for me, the personal knowledge of combat nightmares day & night, finally, was overcome with determination to subdue it. However, it wasn’t accomplished without effort and, a great deal of soul searching.

There were certain situations (hand to hand combat) that an Infantry Soldier was involved in when he had to kill, or be killed. Memories of the survivor, from an affair like that, are best tucked away in “the memory closet”, and the key thrown away.

Some men in uniform, on both sides, were not saints. Soldiers I knew enjoyed “killing enemy soldiers”. Others vowed (after the Malmady massacre of American Soldiers by some German Troops) that they would not take prisoners and more than one of our Soldiers kept their word.

A number of G.I.’s tried to wear two hats; one for them selves and one for the other (German) soldiers. Yet, a person had to remember why we were there. There was a job to do! All of us swore an oath to defend our country; what else could we do?

On the spot decisions, sometimes in split seconds, had to be made. We were trained for the nasty job of killing people and destroying the enemy’s equipment. We were gentlemen soldiers on the parade ground; yet in battle, it was our life, or their life; who could be a gentlemen at a time like that?

None of us were trained to face “what we did, or how we did it” after the war. That was the infantry soldier’s battle to overcome. Anyway you look at it, war is hell for the civilian, and the Soldiers who had to endure it.

The Battle of the Bulge is history now; the noise of battle has subsided and the smoke from that violent campaign has cleared. Physical wounds are healed; now all that remain are memories and, the dead.

What we did and how we did it during the battle is the Veteran's personal problem. Living with it however, some days, has not been very easy, to say the least.

Floyd, 424th Regiment

[connie]

Hi, Floyd,

Thanks! Good to have you back! As always, having the words of a veteran is meaningful and adds a layer of knowledge and insight to the site that only a veteran could provide. Your words and thoughts are deeply appreciated. You point out some of the tough realities of war and some very real reasons why someone might not want to think about it.

I am overwhelmed when I try to put myself in the place of a young soldier just seeing bodies lying around. You all saw this and more.

I'm sure others have thoughts to add on the variations on this thought. Of those I have heard, here are two. One is related to what you speak of here. A few people have mentioned that when they start going back to even good memories of that time, the brain seems to hear that it's OK to go there, and the nightmares begin to repeat themselves -- nightmares from moments of fear and horror.

Another variation: "He never/ seldom talked about those times" is the one that hit closer to my home. Dad did talk a bit. My brother who is 3 years older than I remembers more being spoken of in his childhood than I recall in mine. And I remember one story in particular-- a humorous one-- that I heard when I was pretty young.

But as years went by there wasn't so much. My younger brother says that Dad started to tape some memories in later years and felt funny just talking to the tape recorder. So my brother was invited to be present while Dad taped. We haven't found the tapes.

In the intervening years there wasn't a lot said about the war though I suspect that sometimes when dad looked out over the landscape with a distant look, he was remembering. A clue as to what might have been going on I find in words shared with me after a deep loss. He said something to the effect that after a short period of time the rest of the world won't want to hear about this anymore and you have to find a way to move on silently.

I think there is much he would have been willing to share if I had been thinking about that time and asking questions. But he had learned not to turn people off by talking about times and events they did not want to hear about...

Whatever the reasons for not talking (and the delays in asking), I am glad there are classrooms that now have the chance to hear your story. And I'm glad I have the chance to hear, too.

Thanks!

Connie

[floydragsdale]

Hello Connie:

I hesitated to write about the phase "I don't want to talk about it" because it has been a "touchy subject for many years.

As I recalled B.O.B. experiences, what I saw, did, or didn't do and, thought of actions as a whole that men in our Battalion participated in, many memories of that campaign came back to me.

I tried to be careful how my words were chosen when writing about happenings that were not pleasant to witness.

Some events were recalled that have have been dormant for years, or "locked up in my minds "memory closet for years" Then they are like a VCR playing a tape back so one can see it again.

What went on in a G.I.'s vicinity was enough to witness. It was a good thing a person couldn't see the entire area as a battle progressed. In a sense it was almost like organized confusion.

The wounded were yelling & crying for the medics , Commissioned and non commissioned offers were shouting orders to their men. Artillery shells were, were bursting on the ground & in the air; some were whistling overhead as they were going in opposite directions. For a time we didn't know if we were winning, or losing the battle.

It was a fight for each individuals life, on both sides.

There wasn't time to be a gentleman soldier. Nevertheless, many memories were scarred that were to last a lifetime for many veterans. What was done on the battlefield and how it was done is a good reason for many ex-soldiers to "not want to talk about it."

Yesterday is history; tomorrow is a mystery; today is the present, that's why it's called a present.

When your Dad gazed out into space, he was, without a doubt, seeing a priece of the B.O.B. once more. Such memories are as indelible as graduation day; yet, to say the least, not very pleasant to recall sometimes.



Floyd